Selfish Dad, Breastfeeding Mum
We are onto baby no3 and we’ve cracked the breast feeding game. Both our other boys for one reason or another have struggled to breastfeed so we’re bottle fed for most of their early lives. Ace is thriving from breastfeeding and it’s amazing to see the bond between Fiona and the little chunk. Fiona is super happy it’s worked this time and Ace has the constant immediate supply he needs. That makes for two very happy people. I get to do much less, we’re saving money by not having to buy milk but for me the whole process fills me with anxiety.
The waking up, having to sterilise bottles and warm up the milk etc was a royal pain in the arse, so I’m mega grafteful from a daddy’s point of view that I don’t have to do that. However there is something missing from my parenting experience this time round. I feel a lot less involved in the process and that’s a very strange feeling. Many would explain my feelings as been very selfish, but I’m unable to shake this feeling off.
I miss the feeding process. The feeling where you can feel your baby relax in your arms as they are feeding. I also knew that the times I was feeding my other two it was giving fiona a much needed break from the daily baby mundanity. Ace isn’t the easiest baby to feed in the world so it’s not as easy as putting a bottle in his mouth but Fiona has the patience I certainly don’t have. I’m able to sleep most the night, Fiona still has to wake for feeding. I feel bad for her. I want to help.
I try to be involved in every other way and in general, I’m very hands on with all my boys. I hope for his sake and Fiona’s he continues to feed with her for as long as they can both do it for. I just have to grit my teeth and try and take my emotions out of the situation. It’s easy for me on days where he’s struggling to feed to say “should we try a bottle?” I then get the thunder eyes and I soon shut up.
Don’t get me wrong, I 100% understand the benefits of breastfeeding and think it’s the best option if you can do it. But I want Mums to understand where some of us Dad’s may be coming from. There’s not much that can be done or said to change the way some men feel about this as I’m sure I’m not alone however don’t dismiss Dad’s feelings. Even when it comes across as selfish and ridiculous to some, it’s comes from a good place. I want to be as involved as possible, I want to help my exhausted wife.
What do you think?? Am I been selfish?? Any of you Dad’s felt the same??
Be kind, don’t hate.